5:13 p.m. ||June 30, 2004 Just did a yahoo search of how many online diaries there are and there are tons. Why? Why do you think your so damn special and that we want to hear about your life? Everyone thinks they're interesting or maybe it's just the thought of having there words somewhere out in cyber space. Me- I don't know, I have always had a diary and my life is just average nothing trully exciting I am not a crack smoking call girl who has a transvestite father or anything. Some of those diaries out there are really like that. It has to be a bunch of bullshit. I'm writing this to see if anyone will read it and also to see if it generates any interest so I'll know if I should continue my book that I'm writing. Yes, I writing the great american novel-well not really but it's a whole coming of age saga of the last 5 years of my life and how I've changed. It's taken completly out of my journals and there is no dialog. So you're thinking that sounds boring. Well I suppose it might but what about reading other peoples journals, if you found a diary you would sure as hell would read it. So that is the concept of my book. I won't go into further detail maybe later I'll post a few entries that I've already typed up. Random people are walking by my sliding glass door and looking up and this is disturbing me. Christ I feel like I can't even have my blinds open in my own apartment. Anyway I have been feeling down all week. This is becasue it is the anniversary of the breakup between me and my ex. We weren't even together a year and now it's been a year since we were together and I still miss him. I've lived without him this long and surely I can continue without him but I still think of him often. I thought I've experienced lover before(prior to him) but now I feel like I was wrong. I loved the ex completly. He had many faults and stupid quirks but I accepted him for who he was and didn't want to change him. I had no doubts that he loved me and before I always doubted everyone's intentions. But somehow things ended. I always thought someday things will work out but someday never comes. Does anyone know what this feels like? I'm not dying for him and wouldn't end my life over the fact that he's moved on and has someone else but I still feel a loss. I don't want to have to go through the whold dating process again. It really sucks. Whoever said that being single was fun? Now you have to meet someone, find out if actually enjoy their company, then you spend time with them, make yourself vulnerable and open up to them, have sex the first time which is weird and then establish if you're a couple and move on from there. Yes, all that seems exciting but to do it over and over again is tiresome. Why can't we just meet someone and know within the first 10 minutes if they're the right ones for us. well I think I've rambled enough for now |