5:50 p.m. ||November 17, 2004
Let it Be
I'm at a point where I don't seem to care. I'm sick of worrying and wondering so I've decided to just let it be. Whatever happens will happen. My father has called me three times since I left to let me know he's sorry and that he loves me. I don't know if I believe it or he just doesn't want me to dislike him. I doesn't matter anyway and I feel I can't talk to him. He said he and my mom were too alike which is why they divorced. I honestly can't see a similarity. My mother is my rock. I know she will be there for me through anything. I see her as the strong one because she raised me at a time when not many families were seperated. She started at the bottom in her field and worked her way up. She paid the mortgage for our house and she took my father to court when he and my stepmother tried to take the house from us. Enough about the parents... D called me yesterday. I was surprised sort of- maybe I expected he would call. I didn't call him back and still haven't. He emailed me. I emailed him back. I said I was surprised he didn't call me before he left because he said he would. He gave me a plausible story but it could have been an excuse also. I think we have plans to see each other Saturday. If not, I'll live. I like him but being away from him has helped diminishing how crazy I was about him, not to mention he's let me down. Missy and S both think I should ask him what exactly is going on with us. I plan to. What I'll say I don't know. But I do wonder are we fuck buddies or am I your girlfriend? I do believe we're more than just fuck buddies but one never knows. I started the Christmas shopping. I will have to buy a little bit here and there as always. I can't just do it all in one sweep or else I'd be completely broke. I don't have too many people to buy for- just my parents, step-parents, grandma, father's parents, 2 of my friends, a gift for the yankee swap at work and a cheesy gift for the grab in my department. I found the perfect gift for that. They had a truckin' game at Walmart where you own a trucking company and you bid on your frieght then you have get the product delivered on time but they give you crazy scenario's you have to survive. Maybe the people I work with would actually laugh if I truck is late rather then flip out as they do now. I'm done rambling for now
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