2:01 p.m. ||January 24, 2006
My new happy pills
I went to the doctor today. She seemed real hesitant to give me a prescription. She said that she doesn't believe in being on medication for the long term. She said that I am a beatiful girl and I shouldn't be so upset. Yeah, that's easy to say but hard to do. She only gave me 2 weeks worth of samples for Paxil. I've never taken it so it will be interesting to see if it helps or hinders. I suppose I couldn't be much worse. I lied in my bed last night for hours just staring into darkness. I have so much going around in my mind but I don't want to write it down like I usually do. I just didn't want to turn on the light and face my harsh reality. I guess staring into darkness was easier. I also had a mild panic attack last night. I took about 4 sleeping pills and then I started to feel really weird. My heart was pounding in my chest and I could barelly breath, it was like I had just run a marathon. I also had a hard time just moving and every part of my body felt numb. I tried to calm myself down and eventually I felt better. Maybe I am freaking out so much because in June it will have been 10 years since I graduated high school. Ten years and I feel like I have succeeded in nothing but being a failure. When I was 18 I thought I had the answers to everything. When I was 25 I realized I didn't know the answers and now that I'm almost 28 I've realized that maybe the answers don't matter as long as you continue to ask questions.
rewind || fast foward
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