3:45 p.m. ||August 22, 2004 Whoever said it is better to have loved than lost is a fool. I went to Kristin�s son�s b-day party today. I thought I would be okay, I really did. However she invited her friends who are also Steve�s friends and I felt so uncomfortable. They haven�t seen me since the breakup and I just didn�t know what to say. Also his close friend, who was there, recently got married and his wife is now pregnant. In fact almost eveyone was either pregnant or had a child. Of course there�s just me, no boyfriend, no nothing. It also very much pissed me off that Steve�s friend was wearing a shirt I bought for him. Obviously Steve must have tossed everything I ever gave him. I had to tell Kristin I needed to leave and I was too uncomfortable. I felt awful leaving but I just felt too damn awkward there and I didn�t want to socialize and talk. Last night I went to Marshfield to stay at my friend�s house from work because that�s where the party was and not to mention the ex (Steve) lives there. All my memories came flooding back. Everywhere I looked reminded me of things we used to do and places we used to go. Why am I still hung up on him? It�s been a frigging year. I know I�m still in love with him. I thought I had been in love before him but now I doubt it. I�ve never had such a hard time moving on. I�m not going to be able to go to that baby shower because I know he will be there. I�m just going to have to send a gift card in the mail. I don�t know why I was invited to these things anyway. It�s not like I ever even see Kristin and Sandy. They�ve never even made an effort to see my apartment. But of course I always give them the benefit of the doubt. |