4:55 p.m. ||September 10, 2004 yes my date from last week called me. I am glad of that, I always think the worst and tend to sabotage myself in these could be dating/relationships. I think too much and spend too much time in the past. Why? I couldn't tell you. Sometimes I put on a "fuck it who cares attitude" but it's so fake, I do care; I care so much that I don't want to be vulnerable or hurt again. So that is the mask I wear. It's like the line in the Tori Amos song "I'm ok when everything is not okay". Maybe I like worrying about something so that way I don't get too happy and catch myself off guard. Of course this has nothing to do with the guy I went on the date with, it all stems from past relationships and friendships that burnt me. God I hate sounding so melodramatic but these are my thoughts. Anyway I'm going to go out tonight. I don't really feel like but am forcing myself. S is coming over after work and we'll head into Providence. Of course I'll drive as usual. I hate always driving but I'll deal with it. However I do think she should drive since I'm the one who will have a couple drinks and she can't because she's not 21 yet. Oh here's a work related thought. I am so so so glad I am now not on call ever again. With all these hurricane's in florida I would be getting calls around the clock because of all these loading issues at the sheds and the flowers not being ready. If you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about- I work in Transportation (like keep on truckin) and used to handle the floral aspect for several chain stores. Now I can actually have a weeknight and weekend without calls all the time about these stupid trucks. |