7:18 p.m. ||January 05, 2005
A work in progress
I am a work in progress but I'm trying. My mother told me about a job that I'm going to apply for. It's for an entry level position in graphic design. I think I have a fair shot for it. After all I have a wide background in art and know the software. I also am not drinking. I am not buying beer during the week. If I drink it will only be on the weekend. I am doing this because I've realized the alcohol is making me fat and I think it makes me depressed too. The time I spend wasting away my life drinking and daydreaming I could be doing something creative with my art or writing. I am trying to get out of the rut I've made for myself and start enjoying what I have. I worry too. I worry a lot. I worry that D will get sick of me and break up with me. I worry that I care more about him than he does about me. I don't want to have my heart broken again. It's still very fragile. I'm so afraid that if something goes wrong I'll turn back to drinking to escape the pain. That's all I've seen to know how to do. It started with cigarettes- but now I'm too hooked to give that up.
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