4:41 p.m. ||February 21, 2005
Off and On
My �relationship� is like a frigging light switch- it�s off, it�s on- it�s burnt out. I have no idea. I must say the weekend before Valentine�s Day was great. D and I went out to eat at a work party I had, we went to a comedy show, he took me out to breakfast the next day. Everything was wonderful and when we�re together I swear he�s in love with me. Although when we�re not together I feel like he completely forgets about me. I told him before I left his house that weekend that we should get together this weekend (which is now last weekend) and he said we would see each other, even though he has all the work stuff to do. So the bastard fucking emails me Thursday like everything is fine but tells me he won�t be able to see me, he has to keep studying for this test he has at work this week. I find it hard to believe he studied the whole 48 hours of the weekend. I don�t really think he�s cheating on me but it seems like he�s up to something. All I can think of is that he went gambling at the casino. He called me Friday, I called him Saturday and I haven�t heard a thing since. I don�t know what to do. I feel I deserve more than this. This is the third time that we�ll be going over a month without seeing each other. It�s so stupid because I�m almost afraid to talk to him because I don�t want to feel rejected. In other news, in two weeks I will be on my cruise. I need this vacation. If things don�t work out with D I hope to meet a hot guy and have some crazy sex. So to prepare myself for the tropics I have been tanning. Tanning is like a joke with me, I don�t tan- I�m Irish, English and Scottish. I just seem to get more freckles on my face. Although, I have gotten some color on me and I am now more beige than ivory. I�ve also been going to the gym. It�s free to use at work so I might as well. It makes me feel better and already I feel like my clothes are a bit lose. I�ve got a way to go. I want to lose about 10 pounds, maybe 15 at the most.
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