8:08 p.m. ||July 07, 2005
Last Call
Yesterday I began my nightly ritual as always. No dinner, just beer. In fact I consumed about 4 beers, 4 shots and 4 sleeping pills. I was in bed around 7pm. I woke up at 1:30 am. I don't know why I woke up, I just did. I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep, I tossed and turned until around 3:30am. Then I started thinking about my drinking and how it has morphed into something I am not proud of. I decided then that I have to do something about it, I need to stop this shit for good. No more I'll do it next week. I debated for an hour on whether or not I should pour the rest of my supply down the drain. I finally came to the realization that I would have to or else continue lying to myself. So I got up and dumped 3/4 full bottle of Parrot Bay and 3 vodka and juice drinks down the drain. I went back to my bed and cried. Somehow I've gotten through the day without any alcohol. Of course I've made it through the day before. But I haven't lasted longer than 5 days without alcohol over the last 3 years. That is the sad truth, that my life has begun to revolve around getting drunk. Nobody know the depth of it but me. If I tell friends I need to stop drinking they think I am insane. They don't know how much I drink. That's because I hide it. I may drink a couple out with them but I drink 3 time the amount while I'm home alone. I'm really scared but I want to get through this. When I first took this self test (over a year ago) I didn't have many yes answers, now I have too many. The John Hopkins Screening Test 1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking? NO 2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy? YES 3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people? NO 4. Is drinking affecting your reputation? NO 5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking? YES 6. Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking? NO 7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking? NO 8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare? NO 9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking? YES 10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily? YES 11. Do you want a drink the next morning? NO 12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping? YES 13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking? YES 14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business? NO 15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble? YES 16. Do you drink alone? YES 17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking? NO 18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking? NO 19. Do you drink to build up your self confidence? NO 20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking? NO Results If you have answered YES to any one of the questions, there is a definite possibility that you may be an alcoholic. If you have answered YES to any two, the chances are that you are an alcoholic. If you answered YES to three or more, you are definitely an alcoholic. I ANSWERED 8
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