9:59 a.m. ||August 06, 2005
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I am so pissed off, angry and mad- at myself, my life, everything and nothing at all. I don't know where to start or where it ends. I am so fucking depressed it's pathetic. Last night I was supposed to go out to eat with co-workers at a really nice restaurant in Boston. I was really looking foward to it to. So, I went home after work and then I was going to go back to work and we would drive in from there. While I was home I decided what the hell, I will have a couple corona's. So I had one and a half and then I just felt like, I didn't want to go out. I wanted to stay home by myself and get plastered. Of course I knew I would be drinking if I went out but then I would have to eat a large meal. So I gave up having filet mingnon for having a liquid dinner at home. That is pathetic. I sat by myself and had 5 coronas, a shot of parrot bay and felt miserable. I am so miserable that I don't know how to get out of it. I feel like my life is ending and I'm already dead. I wish I could just snap out of this.
rewind || fast foward
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