3:39 p.m. ||January 23, 2006
Got Meds?
I made an appointment tomorrow with my primary care doctor. I've got to get something to help with my anxiety. Since I've been off the Effexor I feel horrible. I have sick headaches everyday and I sweat like I'm going through menopause. The worst is the panic attacks I have late at night. They're not quite panic attacks but just as bad. I start getting all edgy and freaking out. I keep thinking and worrying that I'll never find a job, get another place to live, find a guy and have kids. Then I start feeling like I'm going to die soon. It's horrible, I can barely breath and I feel my throat close up. I imagine myself suffocating. I don't think this is normal. I took money out of my checking account yesterday and I have less than $1000 in there. I am so broke. I don't know what to do. I apply to jobs and don't hear anything. I sent out about 20 resumes last week. Not to mention I still have my resume posted on about 5 job sites. My next step is to take a trip to my college and see if career services can help me out at all. I would really like a graphic design job. I applied to 2 places last week and sent a really good cover letter to both. Meanwhile I have been trying to add more pieces to my portfolio. My grandmother left our house last week after being here for about 10 days. She had her back surgery and is still in the hospital. After than she will go to a rehab. It was quite a task having her here. I feel bad but she is almost incapable of doing anything for herself. We had to help her get up, get dressed, get clean, go to the bathroom and go to bed, it was a lot of work. I hope I am never like that when I get to be her age.
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