4:51 p.m. ||July 14, 2004 Well, yesterday I contacted my old friend on Friendster. He was like a soulmate to me. Well after I got off the computer my home phone starts ringing. I usually don't answer it because it's always those annoying telemarketers, so on like the 50th ring I answered it and it was Bri. I was shocked he got my number but I forgot I published it. He said he couldn't respond to my message at friendster but he was dying to talk to me. We talked for awhile and it was great, just like old times. He said I should come up to visit sometime and I really would like to- like this weekend but who knows. On his frienster profile it said he was in a relationship but he made no mention of a girlfriend which I find strange. He told me about a lot of stuff that has been going on in his life but no mention of a girl. I really hope he's not seeing anyone becuase I have this feeling like maybe it could work with us. I've still saved every love letter he ever wrote me. He's practically the only guy who ever wrote one to me and he wrote about ten to me and made me tons of mixed tapes. He was the sweetest boyfriend I ever had and I was a dumbass to dump him way back when but I was young and didn't know what I had. I know things would be different now. So I don't know what'll happen if anything but I sent him an email asking what his schedule was like and if he wanted to get together soon. So as I was saying in my title I Have Issues- those issues include drinking everynight. I can't stop the drinking. It started out as only one beer a night and then it was 2 beers a night and once in awile 3, now it is 3 beers and about 3 shots of rum. What is wrong with me? This drinking is not good for me and it's making me fat. I don't know if I really have a problem or I am just bored and depressed. I mean I never do anything, everyday is the same. My best friend lives so far away and I never see her. My other friends are both pregnant and we've lost touch. Everyone else just drifted away. It really sux. Not to mention the fact that I'm not seeing anyone right now. It has been a year since I've been in a relationship. I've never gone this long without having someone in my life. Sometimes I feel like there will never be anyone else and who would want me anyway. I know that is stupid thinking but I hate waiting, I feel like I'm waiting for everything. So back to the drinking, everyday I tell myself I will not by alcohol and then I do. I think I am afraid to be aware of my thought and I would rather feel numb and buzzed and remember the good times, which is what I do. |