12:21 p.m. ||April 04, 2005
Can I call in dead?
I could not bear to see the workplace today. I woke at 5:45, when I have to be there at 6. I contemplated, as always if I could call in. I decided to, I just couldn't do it today. I didn't get any sleep last night, even though I took 3 simply sleeps. I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack last night. Before I go to bed I usually have a cigarette or two. That is when I do all my thinking. Usually it is numbed by alcohol but since I'm trying to stop drinking so much, I was sober. I started freaking out because I can't figure out my life. I was thinking of Lisa and why the hell I haven't talked to my once best friend in five years. I don't even know what state she lives in now. Then I am so angry and hurt at Darren. He must have been playing me all along. I don't understand how he can be so uncaring and not even respond to me when I was so patient and understanding about everything.
rewind || fast foward
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