6:44 p.m. ||November 13, 2005
Hurting
I am feeling really really down right now. My adreneline is going through the roof. I want to scream or cry but I can't do either. I am just feel so overwhelmed and out of control and I don't know why. Last night my little dog had to go to the vet ER. It was quite upsetting. I don't want to lose another dog right now when my other one passed away a year and a half ago. Well she is back today and seeming to do better. I don't think my love life is going great right now. I am getting some weird vibes from him. I feel like he is distancing himself from me. I called him today and suggested that I come over and stay over tomorrow night since he will be back from NYC and has the day off. I thought he would be really excited but just seemed kind of blase. Also he is asking how the job is going and obviously I am less than enthusiastic about it. He then seems to be giving me advice on how to keep searching and this is frustrating me because it's not like I'm sitting around and twiddling my thumbs- which is what I said to him. I don't know- I just have this feeling that he is either going to cancel tomorrow or give me a Dear Jane speech when I see him. I don't want to get hurt again- I already feel like my heart is in my throat.
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